Thursday, August 19, 2010

Marriage Talks 3: Mindset

My attitude towards marriage has slowly evolved through the years. As a bullied teenager, I often dreamed of my future husband and imagined the conversations we would have and the way he would make me feel. Marriage was still at least 10 years away, but I was sure that it would wipe away the pain and loneliness that haunted me back then.

In my late teens to early twenties, those daydreams fell to the background as I threw myself into the depths of books, American college life and…online shopping (well, more like browsing – I was a college student !). I wasn’t looking for Mr. Right; even though I wouldn’t have minded being found by him.  But I was conveniently preoccupied with exploring and spreading my newly-acquired adult wings.

Friends and classmates got engaged and I didn’t feel any stirrings. Once, my best friend called from Lagos to encourage me to take a closer look at the men around me. “ Isn’t there anyone you are interested in?” he asked? 

He had never heard any boyfriend tales from me and had specifically called to discuss my love life.
In return I told him that I wanted to focus on the season of life that I was in and assured him that God would send the right man at the right time But the concern in his voice stayed with me. “Did he have a point?” I later wondered. 

Truth was, I liked my single life the way it was. No drama, no pain, no heartbreak.  I was the feature attraction and I knew how to handle me. After all I had been living with myself for 21 years. Ten years before, I couldn’t wait to be married, and now that it was finally within reach, love, relationships and marriage had become an abstract concept.


  1. I can imagine how u feel...U just open ur heart & let love take over. U deserve it!

  2. Welcome back!

    Marriage shouldn't be an abstract concept ...

  3. The root of it might be in those words:
    bullied teenager...
    But I can relate with your reality, even as a guy...

  4. in the end marriage is a choice. my mother says this life is like an ocean with the possibility of partners numerous. you can pick anyone!

  5. bn tryin to post a comment(s) 4 ages;
    dearie, hope u doing fine, howz d family? ise nko???? e don tey sha'

  6. why did you repost this, this is the same post as your february 25th post...i say no to recycled posts!!! your sis!

  7. hi, new to your blog! I agree jare, this marriage thing has become an issue for everybody. anyone who sees me praying automatically assumes its because i am looking for husband (even though i pray for that a lot too), but its just so so overated, and my parents are not helping things.

    Thank God for his grace and for giving us sense else i am sure i would have jumped into marriage with the wrong person a long time ago.

    Nice blog btw.
    I own a job vacancy site:

  8. I have being married for 3yrs, and I have in no way feel my freedom is gone. Well, I am married to a friend and lover that knows that I am a human being first and that my right or his will not stop cuz we are married. People often say we behave like boyfriend and girlfriend. We are totally devoted to each other and we make our own rules...

    And if I am still single, I will love my life as it is.

    You are right about mindset too, it needs to be right single or married

  9. i was beginning t wonder if i told u this, this is so really scared of marriage and dating cos of too many heartbreaks..everyone is worried cos am 27 yrs old and like they say going on 30...

  10. Well that the natural course of life and honestly once you get the right person, with a lot of patience and understanding marriage is a great thing! So ride on my sister, God is on your side? So who is the lucky man and when will the bell start ringing?

  11. The closer ti is the more reluctant we get. It's not easy but it can still be that refuge. All the best..

  12. unfit....
    i think the whites (westerners) should stay unmarried cos they dont show a good job of it

  13. I think love is all. once there is love both can tolerate