Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Pre-relocation pains

Sitting on my dresser is a blank handmade card that I bought in the midst of pain-filled months. It reads:

“The most important thing is this: that at any time we are willing to give up who we are for who we could become.”- Charles Dubois

The events that led to my relocation from the States were confusing, painful and scary. In the span of a month, my job and relationships turned sour and I retreated into a shell. For the next 6 months, I just existed. Little interest in anything around me. Numb days gave way to numb nights. Sleep and books were my only respite. I was stuck in a ditch and I didn’t know what to do. But even worse, I didn’t want to do anything. My spirit just didn’t care anymore.

It was not a life threatening crises, not a relational crises, not a financial crises, but a deep, heart wrenching, identity crises. The fleeting nature of life shocked me and disillusion, touched on in this post, followed.

I wondered, what will I make of my life? Will I just die like that when my turn comes? Another face, another name bites the dust? Who do I want to be? Then I saw this card and asked myself: Am I willing to give up who I am to become that person I want to be? A simple barter exchange. Lose the old, get the new.

Another of my card reads:
“Progress always involves risk: you can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first.”—Frederick Wilcox

Yes, those months were difficult, but in hindsight, they were life-saving. Because I was forced to face the future and think about my life rather than just let it happen. If you are going through heartbreak, deep loss, confusion, disease, or emptiness right now—grieve, cry, pray or retreat, but don't miss the ray of hope that will come, because with it a new chapter of your life will follow.

13 comments:

  1. Almost everyday I visit your blog in anticipation of a new post because what you are sharing is vital to the life any immigrant overseas.

    I'm glad you made it.

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  2. Wow, this is deep. me likey.

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  3. I enjoyed ur NYSC stories by the way.

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  4. @bayo, aww, thanks! posting and sharing is not as easy as I thought it would be, but knowing that its helpful to others and you are anticipating more is enough motivation ;)

    @sting, am glad you likey !

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  5. Thanks for this post.

    I can relate with it.

    We're survivors, you know!

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  6. wow, I haven't relocated back home and am not sure when that will happen. But, I think reading your blog will be quit insightful. So, please update soon and take care.

    This is my first time here, by the way.

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  7. thanks for the personal but very relevant post. I will have to bookmark this particular post because I totally hear you on many points you have raised. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your posts so far. Don' mind people like me that post to their blogs once a month - please post more often...your story is very interesting....

    pyoo wata
    the nollywood critique

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  8. hunny, this may seem a tad bit hypocritical but please update us!

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  9. just found you, and me likey. you write well

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  10. thanks everyone for you encouraging comments. I plan on being a better blogger ;)

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  11. I can imagine ya pain then...I love ya blog so much being in Yankee. It's funny how people see lives different.

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  12. i should say im currently going thru these pains u described here........thinking of just relocating back home, maybe my happiness lies there...... *sigh*

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  13. Ive been reading through all your blog posts and...I wish I had when i was back in nigeria trying to make the decision to stay or not...Can't believe i was just sitting on my butt day after day in Naija in confusion :( The quote you put up "the most important thing is this: that at any time we are willing to give up who we are for who we could become"...is really speaking to what i'm going through. thanks Sis :) why didn't I read
    your blog posts again since???

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